Mountains to River

In the calm of the lazy, relaxing Sunday I decided to play catch up on some of my social sites.  It's amazing how quickly time flies when you're busy.  Now, seven months since my last post, I think  it's time to update.

Since my last posting, I've left my mountains to move to a river meandering through pine forests, sandwiched between the high deserts of central Oregon.  It's crazy realizing that it's still only been a few months since these changes took place when so much has happened.  While it might have seemed sudden, there were elements of premonition back when I was first considering where I wanted to go with my life and career, three years ago.

Shortly after the divorce, despite my desire to put down roots, I had a feeling that I'd only be in the mountains two more years at least, before moving on again, my personal desires in conflict with looking ahead at what I knew I might want professionally and socially, things that I would not find where I was.  I put those feelings away and continued life as I wanted it.  Despite my efforts to set up my life where I was, it became very apparent last year that this time to look at moving on was fast approaching.  I began looking at my options, when I was approached with a potential opportunity.  I took it.  In the middle of winter, I made my first significant move alone to a new life, in a new area, where the only people I knew was the manager who hired me and his family.

In an area that I find difficult to connect with and couldn't have seen myself choosing to settle down in under other circumstances, I was fortunate enough to have found a refuge on the river, tucked back in the woods.  While it's not the overpowering, wild, quiet found on the edge of the wilderness; there is a peace and subtle energy here that I've found a reassurance and strength in.

This move and change has been filled with difficulties and challenges I never expected and that have pushed me to look deep within myself, identifying weaknesses, revisiting past wounds, and testing insecurities both known and unknown.  I have found it frustrating that with each of the major life changes I've made the last few years, I fail to take into consideration the fact that I must change as well, making the assumption that I will continue on as am.  This only makes the growing pains that much more pronounced as I struggle to understand why I can no longer read, understand, or control my actions the way I think I should...as if not realizing that the programing has changed and my adjustment goes deeper than just relearning myself. 

Each day is a test and an adventure to which I've been learning to approach with the optimism that at the day's end I will stronger and better for. And at the end of the day, I go to the river recharge, replenish, and let go.